Tuesday, March 21, 2017

I Like John Kruk and I Cannot Lie

The estimable Mike from Not Another Baseball Card Blog recently sent me a slew of John Kruk's with a Darryl Strawberry on top. So I decided to make lyrics about the trade and Kruk to the tune of Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back", only this is called "Peter Got Kruk"...

Peter Got Kruk

Oh, my, word. Mikey, look at that Kruk.
He is so big.
He looks like one of those hot dog vendors.
But, you know, I could totes down a dog now.
I only eat them at the park in the the summer time.
However, that Kruk, is just so suave.
I can't believe he was a Padre, and, like a White Sox— gross. Riiiight!
He's just so… hick!

I like John Kruk and I cannot lie
You card collector's can't deny
That when Kruk struts up with a 86 inch waist
And a baseball bat in your face
You think Hmm, he is such a beast
And on pitching he used to feast
Deep in the gap he'd hit them
Spit on the base path all of his phlegm
Oh wowsers, I wanna eat with him
In anyone's kitchen
Some homefries and some mustard
Wash it down with some custard
Or, a burger made of lentil
You wanna watch some Yentl?
Well, 'scuse me, 'scuse me
You are the beast and the beauty
You're an above average Phillie
To hell with Curt Schilling
No etiquette
Tweetin' like he's got Tourettes
I'm sad that ESPN
Said John Kruk ain't the thing
And they cut him out of BBTN
I hope he finds himself some Zen
Hey, Guys (What?) Guys! (What?)
Have you got yourself some Kruk (Heck yea!)
Why don't you trade! (Trade it!) Trade it!
(Trade it!)
Trade me that baseball card!
Peter got Kruk!

(WV Face with Louisville Slugger)
Peter got Kruk!
(WV Face with Louisville Slugger)
(WV Face with Louisville Slugger)

I like Kruk cards, a lot
You can believe it or not
I much prefer him with a beard and a mullet
Shoving food in his gullet
I hope to collect them all
And no, duplicates, no, no
Let us talk about stats
Cause stats are where the party's at
He hit a hundred homers
And twice as many doubles
While blowing pink gum bubbles
With gaseous farts like rubbles
And he could be real gnarly
Getting mocked by Chris Farley
You can have Chris Farley
I want my comics like Peanuts
We must thank the S.D. Padres, Chris James of the Phillies
And Randy Ready
But I gotta be straight when I say The White Sox?
What a big mistake
Their he couldn't rake
He only played in forty-five games
Some of them with Tim Raines
I wish he was still playing
Cause he's awe- and -some
I'd be better off drinking rum
So, ladies! (Yeah!) Ladies (Yeah!)
You wanna send me to Hades (Yeah!)
That's too bad. I am rad!
And maybe even a little mad
Peter got Kruk!

Peter got Kruk!
Yeah, traders…when it comes to cardboard
BCW ain't got nothing to do with my selection.
3200 count box? Ha ha, only if it's 3.5 x 2.5.

And on and on…. Peter got Kruk!

Ok, so let's look at the cards (Finally!) These are the Kruk cards that Mike sent...

1988 Leaf, Card #176
1988 Score Traded, Card # 70T
1990 Bowman, Card # 154
1990 OPC, Card # 469
1990 Topps, Card # 469
1992 Fleer, Card #537
1992 Pinnacle, Card # 147
1992 Ultra, Card #246
1993 Upper Deck, Card #38 Team Checklist
1994 Ultra Phillies Finest, Card #9
2016 Topps Archives, Card #240

This is Kruk in transition. 1990! So long ago. This is right before he was ruined by Philadelphia. Ruined in the good way. As you can see in the Fleer below, his hair is growing out wonderfully.

Pretty sure this Fleer photo and the Pinnacle below and the Ultra below that are from the same game or the same series? What do you think?

This is my third card in the Phillies Finest set. Very excited by this. On the card back, Kruk really looks like he's having none of it. Or indigestion.

With the exception of the 2016 Topps Archives it's like watching age-progression software going from baby-faced to quasi-Geico Caveman. The Topps Archives car is really nice. I hope they do something really special for their 69th.

The Strawberry:

1990 Bowman, Card # 154

He looks bored.  But look at the stats breakdown on the card back. So awesome. My favorite.

Well, maybe my next song will be a little easier because "Baby Got Back" was hard to write over.

MIKE! Thank you so so so very much for these cards. Awesome-sauce.

Thanks for stopping by.


  1. I'm glad you like the cards..

    Nice creativity with the song too..

    1. Mike! I really liked the cards and you are awesome for sending them. Thank you! I tried to do more with the song but ran out of steam. Ho hum.

  2. You're right about the Kruk from the '94 Fleer Ultra set... it sure does look like indigestion!

    1. Too many steak-n-cheese's! Though vegetarians get indigestion, too.

  3. While blowing a pink bum bubble
    With a stature like Barney Rubble
    Smiling 'cuz he ain't dead,
    After Randy Johnson threw at his head....

    Too funny dude!

    1. OH man, I can't believe I left out this iconic Kruky moment. Thank you!